Reflections from a Barbed Wire Monastery – Crazy Phil
By: “Prison Bob”
The inside of a prison cell
I’d like to take a moment and introduce you all to possibly the best Psycho Christian ever known. So that I don’t hurt anybody’s feelings, I’ll call him “Crazy Phil”.
Now, you’re probably asking yourself right now, “What’s a Psycho Christian?” A Psycho Christian is someone who is one rung above a door-knocking Evangelical type, but one step below those who practice self-crucifixion for fun and profit.
On weekends only, of course. A Psycho Christian will try to sell you a Bible for your last dollar. Then, if you can’t afford it, he will give it to you anyway.
Now, “Phil” is a real man here [at this Oklahoma Corrections Facility]. He actually wanders the compound wearing a bed sheet turban and a wool blanket “dress”, if he can get away with it. He prays toward Mecca and owns seventeen Bibles. Crazy Phil is our walking, talking Newsroom.
He’ll keep you up to date on what the next meal’s going to be, including dessert, if any, and he’ll let you know how hot or cold the weather’s going to be. And he makes signs. He makes typing paper and magic marker signs with slogans like, “I am Jesus!” or “Pray for lots of mail,” or “Set my people free.”
Crazy Phil can be heard at 5:30 some mornings chanting his little heart out here in the equivalent of our living room. He’ll make a circuit of the unit from time to time, spouting drivel like, “hanneka, hanneka, hanneka”, while holding his blessing hand.
More often lately, he has gotten rather loud about it. So, the other day, Crazy Phil was really getting into it right in front of my wall, and I was trying to watch a show, one of our more pleasant – and quiet – pastimes [here in prison].
Instead of getting raving mad like the old Prison Bob would have, I just called him over. “Hey, Crazy Phil, come here a minute!” Then, after I located his eyes in his turban, I simply told him, “I am an atheist.”
That only phased him in a positive way. Amazingly, all he said was “Oh. I am sorry to bother you.” Then he went away. No muss, no fuss, no lengthy argument. That is why Crazy Phil is my favorite Psycho Christian.
Confused would try to convert me to one of his dissimilar belief systems. Others would have argued with me about [the existence of God]. Crazy Phil just left. He hasn’t been back chanting at me either.
I have got to respect respect like that.
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[...] Prisoner Letter Feature – Part Four Reflections from a Barbed Wire Monastery – Crazy Phil By: “Prison Bob” I’d like to take a [...] [...]
He way to go! I know prison bob personally. He’s a great guy. me and him used to talk all the time. he taught me a lot about religion and the free thought thing..