Reflections from a Barbed Wire Monastery
By: “Prison Bob”
Prison Bob's actual hand-written letter
Editor’s Note: The following is part two of a feature with an actual freethinking prisoner. “Prison Bob”, which is a pseudonym, is incarcerated in Oklahoma. In this series, he reflects on being an atheist in prison, life behind bars, and his interest in writing fiction. We hope that you’ll enjoy the series!
Life at this facility isn’t like what you see on television. It’s a medium security unit surrounded by a monitored, razor wire encrusted fence. We are one of the very few “yards” of this security level, which allow open movement. The doors to each building are open for hours at a time. Now, by 2030 [hours], everyone is in their alloted space and remains so until 0600 [hours], but we get to see the out of doors. There aren’t even any gun towers here. It is much nicer than other places I’ve been. It doesn’t hurt that most of us here are over the age of thirty-five.
All of these factors combine to create a “soft” yard. Bloody faces and stabbings are the exception rather than the rule. Although, people do still manage to “slip in the shower” from time to time. Hey, if you’re going to gamble on credit, you deserve what you get. Morons. I would much rather spend my $14.40 a month’s pay on extra food, or better quality hygience supplies. Call it bogey bait if you want, but treats here are greatly appreciated.
Much of life here pertains to just getting by. However, that does not mean that some luxury items aren’t available. I have a TV, fan, small radio, and fairly good quality headphones. They aren’t Bose, but they do sound good. Those items only come with time, familial support, and continued “good behavior”.
“They” (staff) are going to issue disciplinary paperwork whenever possible. That is their job. Part of our duty as inmates is to get away with whatever is possible, within reason. No good can come of acting ignorant. It is those types of actions which landed me here to begin with. Acceptance of place is the key. Besides, here I have time to ruminate.
Prisons, like any other portion of society, are filled with those who wish to follow. If for no other reason than following is easier than leading. Not all here are followers. When a leader emerges, they are brutally effective. Often, the only way to find a leader is backtrack actions.
That is why it is so simple for orthodox organizations to become so prolific [in prisons]. Either human nature or social training make it easier or more acceptable to say “I was wrong. I don’t know what to do. Please lead/teach me.” The simplest answer to “Why?”, is “Because God said ‘(x)’.”
Deep or free thought takes patience and moral rectitude. It also takes an open or fertile mind, coupled with the ability to investigate from multiple avenues. The ability to admit error and begin again is also precious.
This new time of existing comfortably within my “self” is a time of intense study, learning, and introspection into the “why” of my world view. Theists despise my mental wonderings, because they are weird, angry, or hateful. Yes, they are sometimes all of those.
In order to assist my “self” with the examination of the world within and around me, I write. I compose short stories with an outlandish array of characters. The trials, tribulations, and coping choices of my characters are cathartic. These compositions force me to examine the social significance of each action/re-action set.
Freethought has been my path throughout life even though I couldn’t name it such. Most likely that is because - being the cantankerous person I am, I rebelled when someone told me, “The only true path leads left.” I question everything, and will continue to do so. I suppose my attempts at philosophy are akin to a neuroscientist operating on him or herself. But, it makes me smile.
Do I want to stay here? Not in anyone’s wildest dreams. Yet, I am unwilling to let this existence become a waste of time. I will do everything in my power to continue learning and improving.
Prison Bob's ever-evolving signature
