Reed Secular Alliance

Letters from a Barbed Wire Monastery – Actual Conversations

By:  “Prison Bob”

The Inmate Behind Bars

I was sitting quietly, politely, and demurely on my bunk the other day when out of nowhere, a Messianic Jew/Seventh Day Adventist/Charismatic whom I psychologically scramble from time to time approached me.  “I don’t mean to cause a debate or anything, but why don’t you read these (scriptures); they explain EXACTLY how I feel about faith.”

I’ll call him Confused from here on out.  It’s okay, I call him that to his face.  The easiest way to stay safe around here is to NOT say anything behind a person’s back that you wouldn’t to their face.  So, Confused had read a diatribe of mine concerning faith, which I believe Leslie has wisely sequestered [Leslie Zukor rejected a couple of rants from Prison Bob].  He handed me a scrap of paper with “Romans 14:22 and 14:23″ on it.  “I don’t mean to cause a debate but…!”  It’s always someone’s “but” hanging out that starts these things.

14:22 says, “So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God.”  Wow!  That is advice he should have heeded.  14:22 continues with:  “Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.”  Okay.  14:23 states:  “But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith, and everything that does not come from faith is sin.” 

My first thought was “What the “@#k!?” (That actually meant heck, but I thought it was more colorful that way.)  Then, I took a moment, let the blood pressure recede, and went to the beginning of the paragraph (always a good idea when dealing with rabid theists) and found my rebuttal for poor delusional Confused.  Romans 14:19, which reads:  “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.”

I approached Confused and proceeded to ask — “Why would you give me ammo like that?”  Did he feel that I was a god to be confided in?  The conversation degenerated from there.  Down through semantic variences of differing Bible versions and their choice inclusions we tumbled, landing at his unfounded Catholic Conspiracy Theory.  We could have fed for hours on that, but I asked him if he proselytized.  That stopped him tead like a tazer to the sweetmeats.  Is that, I inquired keeping “it” between himself and he god?

If you haven’t guessed by now, I get a WHOLE LOT of “that’s not what I meant!”  To which I reply, “Well, it is what you said.”  They hate that.  And, just so you know, I don’t buy into EVERY opportunity to argue, here are some actual statements I passed up while writing this this morning.  I “learned” 1)  The USA and Canada are separate continents.  2) England is not an island.  3) New England no longer exists (Part of USA).  4) Australia is not a continent, however, it is an island.  And last but not least, I was asked when the last leap year was.  Asker had NO CLUE Presidential elections occur on leap years.

My cell mate told me I should refrain from judging people for inanities (my word) like the above, because at 48-years-old, he didn’t know England was an Island.  But he wants to go there someday.  I broke and asked him if he would know he was there if he went.  Truth is honestly stranger than fiction, or so it appears.  And no, I made not of those up.  I know.  It’s sad.  Education!  Education!  Education!  Without it, society dies!

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Reflections from a Barbed Wire Monastery

By:  “Prison Bob”

Prison Bob's actual hand-written letter

Editor’s Note:  The following is part two of a feature with an actual freethinking prisoner.  “Prison Bob”, which is a pseudonym, is incarcerated in Oklahoma.  In this series, he reflects on being an atheist in prison, life behind bars, and his interest in writing fiction.  We hope that you’ll enjoy the series!

Life at this facility isn’t like what you see on television.  It’s a medium security unit surrounded by a monitored, razor wire encrusted fence.  We are one of the very few “yards” of this security level, which allow open movement.  The doors to each building are open for hours at a time.  Now, by 2030 [hours], everyone is in their alloted space and remains so until 0600 [hours], but we get to see the out of doors.  There aren’t even any gun towers here.  It is much nicer than other places I’ve been.  It doesn’t hurt that most of us here are over the age of thirty-five.

All of these factors combine to create a “soft” yard.  Bloody faces and stabbings are the exception rather than the rule.  Although, people do still manage to “slip in the shower” from time to time.  Hey, if you’re going to gamble on credit, you deserve what you get.  Morons.  I would much rather spend my $14.40 a month’s pay on extra food, or better quality hygience supplies.  Call it bogey bait if you want, but treats here are greatly appreciated.

Much of life here pertains to just getting by.  However, that does not mean that some luxury items aren’t available.  I have a TV, fan, small radio, and fairly good quality headphones.  They aren’t Bose, but they do sound good.  Those items only come with time, familial support, and continued “good behavior”.

“They” (staff) are going to issue disciplinary paperwork whenever possible.  That is their job.  Part of our duty as inmates is to get away with whatever is possible, within reason.  No good can come of acting ignorant.  It is those types of actions which landed me here to begin with.  Acceptance of place is the key.  Besides, here I have time to ruminate.

Prisons, like any other portion of society, are filled with those who wish to follow.  If for no other reason than following is easier than leading.  Not all here are followers.  When a leader emerges,  they are brutally effective.  Often, the only way to find a leader is backtrack actions.

That is why it is so simple for orthodox organizations to become so prolific [in prisons].  Either human nature or social training make it easier or more acceptable to say “I was wrong.  I don’t know what to do.  Please lead/teach me.”  The simplest answer to “Why?”, is “Because God said ‘(x)’.”

Deep or free thought takes patience and moral rectitude.  It also takes an open or fertile mind, coupled with the ability to investigate from multiple avenues.  The ability to admit error and begin again is also precious.

This new time of existing comfortably within my “self” is a time of intense study, learning, and introspection into the “why” of my world view.  Theists despise my mental wonderings, because they are weird, angry, or hateful.  Yes, they are sometimes all of those.

In order to assist my “self” with the examination of the world within and around me, I write.  I compose short stories with an outlandish array of characters.  The trials, tribulations, and coping choices of my characters are cathartic.  These compositions force me to examine the social significance of each action/re-action set.

Freethought has been my path throughout life even though I couldn’t name it such.  Most likely that is because -  being the cantankerous person I am, I rebelled when someone told me, “The only true path leads left.”  I question everything, and will continue to do so.  I suppose my attempts at philosophy are akin to a neuroscientist operating on him or herself.  But, it makes me smile.

Do I want to stay here?  Not in anyone’s wildest dreams.  Yet, I am unwilling to let this existence become a waste of time.  I will do everything in my power to continue learning and improving.

Prison Bob's ever-evolving signature

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